So many of us make fools out of ourselves in the name of love. It is because of our human nature, we tend to pursue what we don’t have.
Men, we have done all sorts of things to win our girl because we are hunters by nature. We go after what we want. When we were dating, we went to chick flicks and pretended we enjoyed it. We talked on the phone for hours at a time. We would even drive (or fly) hours to go somewhere to see the one we love, just to spend 15 minutes with them.
Why do we do this? Because we are pursuing what we don’t have kind of like this: one day- we made the kill, we got married, popped out a couple of kids, two years go by, then seven years, you’ve bought a house, 12 years… 15 years… and one day you wake up and you ask yourself “what happened?”
We used to be so in love, and now we can barely talk. Most of the time what happens is a husband and wife stop pursuing each other. Show me a divorce, and I will show you a couple who have stopped pursuing each other.
Can you name any area of your life that you can neglect and see improvement? For instance, your physical body: can you neglect it, eat anything you want? Twinkies, donuts and ding dongs, never exercise, and expect to become more fit?
Can you neglect your business, can you not do market forecasts, can you not pay your bills, can you not plan, can you not hire the right people, and expect your business to thrive?
Why is it, though, that so many people think they can neglect their marriage and it still become what God desires it to be?
Genesis 2:24 says this: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother be united to his wife and they will become one flesh”.
The Hebrew word translated as “united” is the word dabaq. This word means more than just a union or more than united. It actually means to cling or adhere, to catch by pursuit, to pursue hard with affection and devotion. It is not that we just pursue until we are married, but we continue to pursue, to cling, to pursue hard and to pursue with devotion.
A great example in scripture of a couple who continued to pursue is found in Genesis 29. It is the account of Jacob who was crazy in love with Rachel. She had a father named Laban who was very wise.
He said, “If you want to marry my daughter, must work for me for seven years.” After seven years of working the father pulled a fast one, and he said, “Oh, I’m sorry you can’t have that daughter, I meant this one” and Jacob responded, “No, I want Rachel” and so the Dad said okay, you have to work seven more years..a total of 14 years.
Here is the beautiful part of the story; after the first seven years they actually got married and even after they were married, Jacob continued to work for Rachel. He continued to work for her even after he had her.
If you want something different, be it.
Don’t waste energy whining about what you don’t have and what she’s not, or whining about what she isn’t doing. If you want something you ‘bring’ it.
What do you bring?
You bring less of you, and you bring more of Christ. The New Living version of the Bible translates Romans 12:2, and this should be so true in every area of life, especially in our marriages: “Don’t copy the behavior and the customs of this world but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”
Let God change you.
Men, here’s what you need know. Women, they are multipliers. Whatever you give them, they multiply. You give them an ugly house, which is what I did to my wife; she makes it a beautiful home. You give them money for food; they make it this fantastic meal. You give them your love, they give you six kids. You give them a hard time, they’ll give you Hell. They multiply.
That’s why men, if you don’t like what you’re getting, take a look at what you’re giving.
To get something you’ve never had you must do what you’ve never done.
To get what you once had, you must do what you once did. And, what you once did was, you pursued.
Less of us and more of Christ.